You Can Bet On It

Betting officials, whoever they may be, estimate $6.8 billion will be wagered on next week’s Super Bowl. One guy bet more than $2 million on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to beat Kansas City or at least beat the 3.5-point spread in Kansas City’s favor.

That amount includes both the Las Vegas legal betting and those illegal bets made in the home, at the office or with shady bookies named Slats and Thumbs and Vinny the Vig.

I know I won’t be wagering anything on the game's outcome, although I am rooting for Tampa for personal reasons. I learned my lesson years ago when my former brother-in-law had a shady bookie of his own and laid bets for me on college football games one fall.

I had a system then and could pick college games. That’s what everyone says, but I was pretty analytical about it all. I factored in home and away results, weather conditions at game time, turnover ratios, score by quarters, etc. I was able to get pretty close to actual scores and point spreads.

This was at a time when money was scarce and I was looking for quick cash. Of course, seems like all my life money’s been scarce. (When my wife – who passed away with kidney failure a year after my biggest betting season of 2005 – wanted a couch, I actually offered the furniture store salesman a betting tip on who’d be the national champion in college football that year in hopes of him cutting the price. He turned me down. It was a good choice. I picked Michigan. Wrong. That was the year Texas was proclaimed number one as they beat USC in one of the greatest bowl games ever.)

Each Friday, I’d look at a sheet of spreads the bookie gave my brother-in-law and pick three. I’d never give him money, and that’s where this gets picky. I’d tell him to bet $50 on each game. If I lost, I’d give him the money Monday. If I won, I was supposed to receive the winnings later that week. I stood only to win $150, and when you take out the $5 vig for each game it amounted to $135.  Still, I figured, it was easy money.

The problem was, my brother-in-law would lose a ton on his own games and he’d used my winnings to cover his bets on pro football games on Sundays. There was nothing I could do about it. Was I going to call the cops and report him for stealing money I won illegally?

I think I reached a peak of sports betting obsession on Sept. 17, 2005, when Florida State was playing Boston College. The Seminoles were easily covering the 8-point spread late in the fourth quarter that I had placed my usual $50 bet on.

While the game was going, my wife, active in her church, had people over for a prayer session. I agreed to the meeting, as long as we could leave the game on.  Boston College drove down to Florida State’s three–yard line with only 3 minutes remaining and I got very nervous. If they scored, they’d still lose, but it would make the score 28-24 and Boston College would beat the spread.

My wife’s prayer friends were pretty enthusiastic and would whoop and speak in tongues and all. As the group prayed, and grabbed me into the circle, I watched as Florida State held Boston College on four plays. “Yes,” I would mutter after another Florida State stop. “Amen.”

Then the Seminoles were flagged with defensive holding and Boston College got four more attempts. Each time Florida State stopped them, my cheers grew louder. They stopped them, and Florida State won, 28-17, covering the spread and winning my $50 bet.

“He’s coming around quite spiritually,” one of the prayer members told my wife later.  I think that was when I whooped and thanked Jesus for Florida State’s strong defensive line.

I soon realized, though that you can’t mix sports betting with religion and felt guilty. That, and the fact my brother-in-law kept my winning money, were reasons to quit.

The trifecta came, and I’m not making this up, when the bookie died of a drug overdose. The bettors were worried the police would find his betting sheets and arrest everyone. Since I had no contact with the guy, I was safe, but I worried my brother-in-law would rat me out. It was like living in an episode of Breaking Bad for a week or so.

So, the betting quit.

But I still find myself thinking of that time. Even when I roll APBA baseball games, I sometimes try to predict betting lines and game outcomes. I guess that’s just being a fervent sports fan.

I’ll watch the Super Bowl like the 42 gazillion others, but there won’t be any money on it. I am rooting for Tampa because Kansas City beat my Minnesota Vikings in Super Bowl IV and gave me my first taste of real heartbreak. Old vengeances die hard. I’m still upset over that one.

While the betting world stresses out if the game is close near the end, I’ll just watch the game, drink more Pepsi and be glad I didn’t find another bookie. You can lay odds on that.